It’s a Saturday.
I spent this whole day trying to be the responsible young lady I’m expected to be by getting my hands on to household chores. I washed my office clothes first thing in the morning and neatly pressed them hours after. I tidied up the house, took care of the kitchen, and so on while my mother and brother are in Bulacan to visit my grandparents.
I spared the afternoon though for a movie, “About Time,” which is a pretty good one. I actually liked it better than the “Time Traveler’s Wife.” It reminded me of how precious time is and how we should make the most of every moment the first time we experience it, because unlike in the movie, we don’ t possess the magical power to turn back time and correct whatever mistakes or regrets we had at that certain point in time.
This whole week has been light in terms of work load actually. I’m also happy that the MRT has improved its service this week. Going to the office last week was an ordeal that I opted to try alternate modes of transportation which are pricier than the MRT.
However, the fact that there are no current projects to work on for the week and with our managers away from the office left me unoccupied, and as much as I hate to say this, bored for almost the entire week. It’s a good thing to keep in touch with friends in the office though, thanks to them, staying in the office can still be quite an experience.
What occupied my mind for the past week is how long should I stay in my first job now. When I joined the firm last December, my initial plan was to let 6mos pass by as I wait for a “more promising” opportunity outside of it. Auditing firms from our impression during college are merely springboards to a more lucrative career track we should pursue. However, with my barely 4 months of stay, I’m beginning to realize that to leave at this early stage is not the wisest decision to make. The Lord has been impressing in my heart through articles I read and people I meet that there are more reasons to stay than leave at this point.
Staying in the firm so far has allowed me to stay connected to my close friends in college and continue a discipleship group with them. Staying this long also allowed me to meet a lot of interesting people including WPT, our assurance head partner who is also MBBC’s member. Staying so far has given me a lot of insights and learnings about this particular industry. In fact, just my decision to join the firm merited me the prestige that comes with the name of this firm which I never thought was so highly esteemed.
Perhaps now, reality just begins to sink in – months from now, we (the friends I’m keeping close) will be making major decisions about our career. Shall we stay for another year? Shall we transfer to a private company? Which industry shall we track? Should we pursue further studies?
And perhaps heavier is the ethereal pressure that I impose upon myself: could it be that I’m missing better opportunities in place of my current position? Could it be that I should be learning more than how I am being trained now? Looking at some of my FB friends’ photos over the newsfeed, it seems that they have already found the job of their lives. How come, that we, having graduated from the same college could differ so much in terms of career opportunities?
They are already affording vacation trips while I am currently saving up for graduation preparations. What if I just don’t join the march on April 27 since it’s only a formality? I’ve officially graduated, earned my license and is now employed anyway?
Yeah, these things bug me presently. I thought that once I graduate, I will finally taste the ultimate freedom. Though I am not entangled with the academic pressures anymore, here comes the next part of the story – my journey in pursuit of my true calling in life – the greatest puzzle of my twenties life yet.
This season of my life – with all its uncertainties and excitement – has its own perks and shortcomings. The truth is, just like what the article I just read now says,
“Complete happiness is overrated and more importantly, impossible. And a career is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. You will never be completely happy in anything you do. And that’s okay. Because the thing is, that’s not just work. That’s life.”
I don’t have everything figured out yet. To be honest, I’m writing all these down to record what vague thoughts run in my mind about this first job of mine. I just think it would come handy for future realization or testimony purposes. But right now, I don’t have the answers to my own questions. Truly, it’s much much easier to just sit down and take a written exam than to deal with these mind-boggling real-life dilemmas.
I know for a fact that God has His plans for me and that He would reveal it to me step by step as the time ripens. It could be that I’m just overthinking as a result of having too much space for thoughts in my brain right now.
For the mean time, it’s best for me to simply enjoy what I’m currently doing and the people I’m with, because certainly, all of these experience are crucial in propelling me towards my next steps. Finally, I just want to remind myself that I am exactly where God wants me to be, that He has His eyes on me, and that I am in this job to glorify Him first and foremost and be His ambassador. All else, merely secondary.